Attempting more awareness of what is going on for my daughter when she has a meltdown instead of immediately getting frustrated so this is very relevant. On Friday she had a meltdown because she wanted to bring her Ice Palace for show and share at school, and when I told her it was too big she burst into tears. I ended up leaving for a couple minutes to get my bearings and came back to offer that we could have a talk with her teacher about appropriate size of toys for show and share so that we wouldn’t have trouble with this situation again.
Since I work with babies during the day too I am trying to notice which level of scream starts to diminish my level of patience more so my coteacher and I can at least know what we are going to prioritize doing if that ear piercing scream is occurring.
Laura, I love how to mention that mindfulness can be helpful in delegating or co-working situations that involve children (here you reference you and your co-teacher and the infants you care for as teachers). I find that mindfulness is helpful with my husband and I, if I can check in and realize I'm close to a boiling point with one of the kids then I can more easily ask for his help and say, "can you get this one, babe?" LOL.
Great article. I loved the practical implications of mindfulness in every-day, motherhood life. I appreciated this reminder, especially: "Pausing and caring for your thoughts and feelings before you send a furious message to the school after an incident"
So important to remind moms that practice counts if it’s just one breath or one minute or 30 seconds. People always complain they have no time but I know they have 30 seconds or one breath. It’s more an intentionality/awareness issue than a time issue. Thanks for sharing these very practical tips!
Oof. Yes, this idea of what “counts” is so loaded! We spend so much of our lives discounting our efforts because they don’t reach some dumb, imaginary scale of enoughness!
Wow Kathryn, I LOVE THIS. This needs to be print-out. I always despair that meditation and mindfulness, something I desperately need in this life phase, is also the very thing I’m too tired or don’t have time to do. Every single bullet you’ve outlined is absolutely great for taking a pause before plunging into the moment.
Thank you so much Sri. I think sometimes advice around mindfulness feels so abstract and out of touch with real life but it can be so helpful, so glad that you are connecting with this post.
Love this, and really needed to read it today! Not proud of this, but I often bitterly say to myself that all self help / mindfulness advice is useless to me if it doesn't come from a parent with small children.
Thank you so much. It is so hard to hear advice from people who are not "in" this phase of life. I was in it just this morning with a shoe fiasco before school, sometimes it's just one moment at a time.
It's so true! I remember reading "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" when everyone was talking about it. I had a 1yo and a 4yo at the time, and I thought, how could any of this possibly apply to me? Then I saw that Marie Kondo had "kind of given up on tidying" once she had children and felt vindicated!
I think this is so helpful – often when I talk about "mindfulness" with people it sounds like this epic thing, like you have to go on a five-day retreat somewhere and then come back perfectly tranquil. I took a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course a few years ago and have meditated daily ever since, and the greatest changes I have noticed are exactly these seemingly small, but really huge things: waiting just a second longer before reacting, getting a little bit more curious, having a bit more distance and empathy. Since then I've become such an evangelist for mindfulness (wrote about that course here: https://termsofendearment.substack.com/p/why-an-mbsr-course-is-the-one-thing). Thanks for your work on this!
This is the most helpful article I've read on mindfulness in quite a while! My father is a practicing Buddhist and I always felt bad that I could not quite "get into" meditation. I got restless and felt like I was doing it wrong.
I've since learned there are so many ways to meditate and nothing is really "wrong" if it works for you. Now that my kids are getting older (8 & 12), I try to find ways to walk with them whenever possible, even it means bribing them with a treat or other purchase at the end of it. Somehow, the walking opens them up to talking, and I'm more open to listening. When I need to take a breather alone, I take refuge on my front porch. I've found it's really hard for me to be mindful in the house, though you have some great suggestions!
I can relate so much! My mother was also a meditator and would often encourage me but I just felt like it wasn't for me, it wasn't until being in the thick of parenting and work stress that I decided to give it some effort and find ways that suited me. I am so glad that you connected with this piece. It definitely doesn't need to be perfect.
I loved this, Kathryn. The game changer for me (my kids are 16 and 10) has been the curiosity factor. Staying curious about how and why they react the way they do. It’s brought us closer, dissolves the friction that used to rub up on us daily and helps me stay curious with myself.
I love your practical examples, many of which tell directly of your experience "discovering why they like their sandwiches cut that way even though it still tastes the same your way". It is good to have some realistic examples when you not only juggle childcare but also work, and sometimes care for elderly relatives as well.
Such a great reminder. I’m guilty of getting overstimulated both between the constant noise and constant neverending tsunami of mess 🫠 I find that even a quick sit down with my eyes shut when my daughter naps helps to reset my nervous system. And I’m trying to feel less guilt or shame around being that mum who cleans up all the time... it’s not for them, it’s for me! On the days I’m home alone working, I need my space clear for my mind to feel clear too. Thanks for the tips!!
This post was so helpful! I had misconceptions about mindfulness and realized with your post I started trying to achieve this as a parent of a 5 and 2 year old. It's definitely baby steps! Finding small windows to be fully present and ask probing questions to understand their thought process is extremely beneficial.
Thank you Heather! I feel like mindfulness often feels inaccessible to parents and it really honestly is about baby steps. I am so glad to hear that you connected with it.
The caption “I have so many of this genre of photo” made me laugh out loud. Feeling deeply seen and understood and not alone (and inspired) after reading this piece.
Thank you so much for this post. I connect deeply to what you shared and how you frame a way to bring mindfulness into the chaos. I have that same taking back the phone selfie and that Saturday picture just with a few different object lying around :)
Attempting more awareness of what is going on for my daughter when she has a meltdown instead of immediately getting frustrated so this is very relevant. On Friday she had a meltdown because she wanted to bring her Ice Palace for show and share at school, and when I told her it was too big she burst into tears. I ended up leaving for a couple minutes to get my bearings and came back to offer that we could have a talk with her teacher about appropriate size of toys for show and share so that we wouldn’t have trouble with this situation again.
Since I work with babies during the day too I am trying to notice which level of scream starts to diminish my level of patience more so my coteacher and I can at least know what we are going to prioritize doing if that ear piercing scream is occurring.
Laura, I love how to mention that mindfulness can be helpful in delegating or co-working situations that involve children (here you reference you and your co-teacher and the infants you care for as teachers). I find that mindfulness is helpful with my husband and I, if I can check in and realize I'm close to a boiling point with one of the kids then I can more easily ask for his help and say, "can you get this one, babe?" LOL.
Yes, the hand-off can be so helpful. And most useful when you know you need it.
Oh yes it so helpful to tune in with yourself and get a little space so you can show up how you want to.
Great article. I loved the practical implications of mindfulness in every-day, motherhood life. I appreciated this reminder, especially: "Pausing and caring for your thoughts and feelings before you send a furious message to the school after an incident"
Thank you, Kay. Mindfulness can serve us in a number of places, definitely in the school arena too.
So many LOL relatable moments here! The foam pit dread is real...they are such fun cesspools though!
Yes, such a mixed bag--so overstimulating but my kids get exhausted and so it can be worth it.
So important to remind moms that practice counts if it’s just one breath or one minute or 30 seconds. People always complain they have no time but I know they have 30 seconds or one breath. It’s more an intentionality/awareness issue than a time issue. Thanks for sharing these very practical tips!
Yes, it doesn't have to be perfect and rigid.
Oof. Yes, this idea of what “counts” is so loaded! We spend so much of our lives discounting our efforts because they don’t reach some dumb, imaginary scale of enoughness!
That was created by some nebulous (probably male) force 🤣. Doing the best you can is always enough!!
Wow Kathryn, I LOVE THIS. This needs to be print-out. I always despair that meditation and mindfulness, something I desperately need in this life phase, is also the very thing I’m too tired or don’t have time to do. Every single bullet you’ve outlined is absolutely great for taking a pause before plunging into the moment.
Thank you so much Sri. I think sometimes advice around mindfulness feels so abstract and out of touch with real life but it can be so helpful, so glad that you are connecting with this post.
Love this, and really needed to read it today! Not proud of this, but I often bitterly say to myself that all self help / mindfulness advice is useless to me if it doesn't come from a parent with small children.
Thank you so much. It is so hard to hear advice from people who are not "in" this phase of life. I was in it just this morning with a shoe fiasco before school, sometimes it's just one moment at a time.
It's so true! I remember reading "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" when everyone was talking about it. I had a 1yo and a 4yo at the time, and I thought, how could any of this possibly apply to me? Then I saw that Marie Kondo had "kind of given up on tidying" once she had children and felt vindicated!
Oh yes, it sounds good in theory...but then there is reality.
I think this is so helpful – often when I talk about "mindfulness" with people it sounds like this epic thing, like you have to go on a five-day retreat somewhere and then come back perfectly tranquil. I took a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course a few years ago and have meditated daily ever since, and the greatest changes I have noticed are exactly these seemingly small, but really huge things: waiting just a second longer before reacting, getting a little bit more curious, having a bit more distance and empathy. Since then I've become such an evangelist for mindfulness (wrote about that course here: https://termsofendearment.substack.com/p/why-an-mbsr-course-is-the-one-thing). Thanks for your work on this!
Thank you Sarah. I totally agree, that it can feel so out of reach and abstract. So happy to connect as we share this passion for mindfulness!
Same!
This is the most helpful article I've read on mindfulness in quite a while! My father is a practicing Buddhist and I always felt bad that I could not quite "get into" meditation. I got restless and felt like I was doing it wrong.
I've since learned there are so many ways to meditate and nothing is really "wrong" if it works for you. Now that my kids are getting older (8 & 12), I try to find ways to walk with them whenever possible, even it means bribing them with a treat or other purchase at the end of it. Somehow, the walking opens them up to talking, and I'm more open to listening. When I need to take a breather alone, I take refuge on my front porch. I've found it's really hard for me to be mindful in the house, though you have some great suggestions!
I can relate so much! My mother was also a meditator and would often encourage me but I just felt like it wasn't for me, it wasn't until being in the thick of parenting and work stress that I decided to give it some effort and find ways that suited me. I am so glad that you connected with this piece. It definitely doesn't need to be perfect.
I loved this, Kathryn. The game changer for me (my kids are 16 and 10) has been the curiosity factor. Staying curious about how and why they react the way they do. It’s brought us closer, dissolves the friction that used to rub up on us daily and helps me stay curious with myself.
Great essay!
Thank you so much. Yes, being curious can be a game changer.
Yeah that was my favorite too. I’m definitely leaning into trying to have more curiosity as my kids get into the teen years. (Key word is TRYING! lol)
Trying is all need you to do!
Really wonderful post full of great reminders. Thank you.
I am so glad you connected with it!
I love your practical examples, many of which tell directly of your experience "discovering why they like their sandwiches cut that way even though it still tastes the same your way". It is good to have some realistic examples when you not only juggle childcare but also work, and sometimes care for elderly relatives as well.
Thank you, so often this type of advice can feel abstract or incompatible with our real life. I am so glad the examples are helpful.
Such a great reminder. I’m guilty of getting overstimulated both between the constant noise and constant neverending tsunami of mess 🫠 I find that even a quick sit down with my eyes shut when my daughter naps helps to reset my nervous system. And I’m trying to feel less guilt or shame around being that mum who cleans up all the time... it’s not for them, it’s for me! On the days I’m home alone working, I need my space clear for my mind to feel clear too. Thanks for the tips!!
Oh my goodness-I am similar, it has been helpful to know that I am cleaning up for me and my needs and that's okay!
This post was so helpful! I had misconceptions about mindfulness and realized with your post I started trying to achieve this as a parent of a 5 and 2 year old. It's definitely baby steps! Finding small windows to be fully present and ask probing questions to understand their thought process is extremely beneficial.
Thank you Heather! I feel like mindfulness often feels inaccessible to parents and it really honestly is about baby steps. I am so glad to hear that you connected with it.
The caption “I have so many of this genre of photo” made me laugh out loud. Feeling deeply seen and understood and not alone (and inspired) after reading this piece.
Thank you Christina, I am so glad you connected with it. I also have a lot of photos of tiny feet and couch cushions.
Thank you so much for this post. I connect deeply to what you shared and how you frame a way to bring mindfulness into the chaos. I have that same taking back the phone selfie and that Saturday picture just with a few different object lying around :)
Thank you so much, I am so glad you connected with the piece.