Really interesting post. I think the problem comes from labels. I don't know anyone who would label their type of parenting, yet I see it in the media all the time, especially the current backlash towards gentle parenting. And of course, we're all just trying to do the best we can with the information (and hours of sleep we've had). What we need to remember is that just because someone does something one way it doesn't mean its right or wrong, it's just how they do it!
What an amazing article, Kathryn! I think I've read it a few times to figure out exactly how I feel about labels and what I would consider to be my identities. I definitely see the wisdom of categorizing ourselves to make life a little bit easier to find folks who are aligned to our values. But living in the world we live today, I feel we're leaning on labels too much. If you say you're this, there's absolutely no room for the gray... it's just black and white. I really struggle with that because then you start to lose sight of empathy. It's one of the reasons I loved this article of yours so much. It's so full of understanding and graciousness. I wish we had more of that. I'm sorry this turned into a ramble but this stirred up so much thought and unfortunately it hasn't cohered yet.
This is so interesting. For me, it’s a double edged sword. On the one hand, it’s a useful guide for getting information that aligns with my values (my top 3: curiosity, creativity and hospitality). And yet, there is no identity or group of identities that fully encapsulates who I am as a parent and many of my identities are seemingly at a odds with one another. When I’m feeling insecure as a parent that’s usually when I’m looking to align with a particular identity but then I quickly realize it doesn’t fit and remember (again and again and again) why that way of being never works.
Thank you for this post, Kathryn. This is exactly what I needed to read today, on the UK National Offer day. With all the text messages from fellow mums about school applications, your post allowed me to take a step back from it and connect with people with whom I can share a different, less overwhelming identity.
Thinking about the different ways I could describe my parenting, I veered off a bit and wondered if my spouse has any. When I asked him, he said, and I quote, "Uhhhhhh?"
With that said, I know he does see himself as a working parent and uses that identity to support policies that improve working conditions/opportunities for early career researchers, for example.
I probably have a handful of parenting identities and they are useful shortcuts in making connections/communicating with other parents. Generally, I see them as descriptive and not prescriptive. Maybe that helps me hold those identities loosely.
Oh my goodness Kathryn you have no idea how relevant this post is for me today!! I live in a place where there is a big movement for using only organic/natural products and those who are part of this movement hold evident disdain for anyone who does not follow it religiously. Similarly, those parents (myself included) who are not 100% natural/organic (because let's face it, as aspirational as it is there are constraints including financial) seem to self-identify as a group, perhaps in reaction to the perceived judgement of the 'other' group. I know people from both 'sides' and all are lovely. Your post - and the fantastic quotes you shared - perfectly sum up how important it is to try not to let ourselves get polarised by our views and preferences. Because ultimately we ALL love our children and want the best for them, and however that manifests in our consumer choices we need to be respectful and understand that shared humanity. Spot. On. x
What has been your experience of shared parenting identities? Leave a comment.
Really interesting post. I think the problem comes from labels. I don't know anyone who would label their type of parenting, yet I see it in the media all the time, especially the current backlash towards gentle parenting. And of course, we're all just trying to do the best we can with the information (and hours of sleep we've had). What we need to remember is that just because someone does something one way it doesn't mean its right or wrong, it's just how they do it!
What an amazing article, Kathryn! I think I've read it a few times to figure out exactly how I feel about labels and what I would consider to be my identities. I definitely see the wisdom of categorizing ourselves to make life a little bit easier to find folks who are aligned to our values. But living in the world we live today, I feel we're leaning on labels too much. If you say you're this, there's absolutely no room for the gray... it's just black and white. I really struggle with that because then you start to lose sight of empathy. It's one of the reasons I loved this article of yours so much. It's so full of understanding and graciousness. I wish we had more of that. I'm sorry this turned into a ramble but this stirred up so much thought and unfortunately it hasn't cohered yet.
This is so interesting. For me, it’s a double edged sword. On the one hand, it’s a useful guide for getting information that aligns with my values (my top 3: curiosity, creativity and hospitality). And yet, there is no identity or group of identities that fully encapsulates who I am as a parent and many of my identities are seemingly at a odds with one another. When I’m feeling insecure as a parent that’s usually when I’m looking to align with a particular identity but then I quickly realize it doesn’t fit and remember (again and again and again) why that way of being never works.
Loved this article. I’m definitely adding this to my parenting reading list!! Lots to reflect on…
Thank you for this post, Kathryn. This is exactly what I needed to read today, on the UK National Offer day. With all the text messages from fellow mums about school applications, your post allowed me to take a step back from it and connect with people with whom I can share a different, less overwhelming identity.
Thank you for reading and featuring my book Kathryn!
Thinking about the different ways I could describe my parenting, I veered off a bit and wondered if my spouse has any. When I asked him, he said, and I quote, "Uhhhhhh?"
With that said, I know he does see himself as a working parent and uses that identity to support policies that improve working conditions/opportunities for early career researchers, for example.
I probably have a handful of parenting identities and they are useful shortcuts in making connections/communicating with other parents. Generally, I see them as descriptive and not prescriptive. Maybe that helps me hold those identities loosely.
I love the application of group identity to parenting--this is such a powerful post!
Oh my goodness Kathryn you have no idea how relevant this post is for me today!! I live in a place where there is a big movement for using only organic/natural products and those who are part of this movement hold evident disdain for anyone who does not follow it religiously. Similarly, those parents (myself included) who are not 100% natural/organic (because let's face it, as aspirational as it is there are constraints including financial) seem to self-identify as a group, perhaps in reaction to the perceived judgement of the 'other' group. I know people from both 'sides' and all are lovely. Your post - and the fantastic quotes you shared - perfectly sum up how important it is to try not to let ourselves get polarised by our views and preferences. Because ultimately we ALL love our children and want the best for them, and however that manifests in our consumer choices we need to be respectful and understand that shared humanity. Spot. On. x