Dormant Plants and Parenthood
It's Thursday newsletter time: the tension between winter and spring, a simple practice of 3 and more reading recommendations
The current mood is…
Does anyone else feel this way in winter? I snapped this picture with my toddler at the botanical garden and thought, “yes, I get that.”
This last weekend there was a glimpse of spring with warmer temperatures and a clear sky. As I went for a walk, the difference in energy was notable. Winter often feels like being in slow motion. And in fact I was actually moving slower in the beginning of January. But with this seasonal tease, I started to think about winter energy compared to spring energy.
Mundane tasks in winter slow us—more layers to put on, slower driving speeds for inclement weather, even the stews and soups we associate with cold, take more time. Of course, children do not receive this memo. There is a parenting paradox that the slower the world moves; children seem to move at dizzying faster rates. A home suddenly seems too small to contain their bodies. This weekend in our home, the sun was the magnet needed to pull them out of the house. And a reminder followed: when the ground thaws—there is so much mud. This is not a metaphor. So much mud inside my house. Don’t let the name of this newsletter mislead you, I don’t enjoy clumps of mud in the living room. Mindfulness has limits.
It's easy to push against the slow-ness of winter. Despite my homebody nature, there is a part of me that struggles with the dissonance winter creates—the desire for more energy and to move faster derailed by the weight of the slowness. The tension between the two states hums along in the background throughout the season. However, this past weekend’s pocket of energy brought the tension to the surface. Is this my dormant state? Not active, but the potential of activity still just below the surface waiting.
Winter is not over so the slowness will likely descend again. Yes, one could push against the slow or choose to embrace it--or maybe just sit with the in-betweenness that is presented. Isn’t that what parenthood so often looks like, swinging back and forth between the slowness and growth?
In Case You Missed It…
Check out Monday’s post about how non-quality time has value for families, too:
With a lot of new readers lately there is an updated welcome post, which you can check out here:
Your Weekly Mud Boot
The weekly offering of a practice or exercise to support you in your parenthood. Why Mud Boot? Mud boots can certainly make standing in the mud a little easier…
I have the official disclaimer at the bottom of the page but remember these are for educational purposes only and do not qualify as therapy.
Three Things
Simple practice—name 3 things. This is not a gratitude practice, but a practice about noticing. There may be something you want more of in your life, like laughter or patience, so start where you are and start to notice where these are already showing up. Or maybe you want to focus on tiny pleasures for fun or another category that speaks to you.
I’ll go first—3 things I am enjoying: Loud music while I cook, Lavender-Chalmomile tea before bed and staying up too late reading books.
Some ideas to get you started, 3 things that:
delight
surprised you
made you laugh
that made you smile
that were comfortable
that were satisfying
Make it your own
You can write it down. Or if writing feels like too much, you can simply whisper them out into space like in the car when the kids are asleep in the back seat. Or share with your spouse, kid, friends or furry family members
And a phrase to put in your pocket
“Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus without the mud. “
-Thich Nhat Hanh
My current interpretation: No mud in my entryway, no sleepy kids at night.
And some more things to read…
Some weeks the recommendations come neatly under a theme but most weeks they are little bit of everything. It’s a little bit of everything type of week.
This piece from
, who writes Distracted, really resonated on the shifts of identity within motherhood, both internal and external.In the last couple of weeks I keep coming back to this article from
, author of Readable Moments Book Club, about diversity in children’s books. I really appreciated Sri’s thoughts on building a diverse bookshelf.
Anyone interested in changing their relationship with their phone?
, author of How to Break Up with Your Phone as well as the How to Feel Alive with Catherine Price, is hosting a February Phone breakup via her substack.
Disclaimer: The content on Mindful Mom in the Mud posted by Dr. Kathryn Barbash, PsyD on the Instagram account (@mindfulmominthemud), Youtube Channel (@mindfulinthemud) and newsletter (mindfulinthemud.substack.com) or any other medium or social media platform (the “information”) is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for medical, clinical, legal and professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Reliance on any information provided by Mindful Mom in the Mud is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your licensed mental health professional or other qualified health provider.
I love plants as metaphors for our own growth. Nature is so wise 🌱
Thank you so much for the shout out, Kathryn! I loved everything about this article (and you know how I struggle with winter!).
Three things that made me smile so far today: my kid can move furniture now (also to my despair haha), I felt the warmth of a sunbeam on my face, a delicious stringy piece of fresh ginger in my morning chai